Outdoor Ambitions

A breeze keeps blowing my loose strands of hair into my face and if I tilt my head just right, I can see a threading of web reflecting light through the blades of grass. The smell of someone grilling and the sound of birdsong mix now with the quiet clack of the keyboard. I am somehow in a different life but it is my own.

I haven’t read an actual book in maybe, over a year. Someone was kind enough to send me one off of my Amazon wishlist, suggested by my mentor. It’s so beautiful outside today again, after most of the week being rain and snow. Going on a walk is suggested but the mentally tired bug bit me earlier today and was not shaken. Resting outside, reading for the first time in forever, carding my fingers through the velveteen fur of my rabbit, has melted the work day away.

It’s not just any book either. It’s not an escape (which I am constantly seeking) or a cover up. It requests that I face reality and ask myself hard questions.

we need to figure out where we are before we plot a course forward

Bob Goff – Dream Big

I am urged to open my eyes, take a clear look at everything I think about myself and why, sort through my desires and ambitions as if doing an internal spring cleaning, and truly put in the work to make my life what I long for it to be.

No more doing what merely occupies, entertains, and numbs us?

Bob Goff – Dream Big

Can you be honest with yourself? How difficult is it for you?
As the light fades into evening and the breeze becomes chilled, I will go back inside but take these questions with me.

From only three chapters into the book, I already highly suggest it. Have you heard of it? Read it? Dream Big by Bob Goff

From the kitchen rug

Some days it’s just not practical to try to think of everything as wonderful and fantastical. Some days require oneself to see the day for what it is and simply make the best of it.

Today is not a bad day. There is sunlight streaming through my window and I am afforded some peace and quiet, apart from my own head trying to wind me up. My rabbit, Clove is out and doesn’t feel the need to move around the apartment much. Instead, she is enjoying sitting on the rug in the kitchen and occasionally visiting me to see if I will share the apple I have just sliced.

It’s been a long week. I can’t quite explain it but I feel drained, drowsy and just a bit broken. That’s the truth. Learning to recognize my own emotions and struggles, while also finding the beauty and positivity in my days is a constant learning experience. I post the beautiful things I look for and find, to increase my thankfulness and appreciation for what I have. I don’t want anyone to be mislead by thinking that my pictures, my highlight reel, is all there is to my life. Life is deep. There is always more to the story than you can see.

Enjoy this beautiful day strangers and friends. There is only one of it.

Hope and Sunshine

It’s finally the weekend and I’m sitting on my bed soaking up the sunshine streaming in through my window as I write. I find that inspiration strikes me the most when there is either sunshine, starlight, or pain to draw from.

In an earlier post, I mentioned that I want to explore things that I’m fully present in and am passionate about so, I will touch on what some of those things tend to include.

Cooking~
Finding new combinations, learning about ingredients, making beautiful food, all of these things draw me to cooking and baking. A large part of finding things fulfilling or enjoyable for me, seems to involve the narrative I can imagine along with it. Even if it’s just putting some take-out into a pretty dish, cooking and baking is, for me, about how it looks as well as how it tastes.

Aesthetics~
The look and feel of things really enable me to escape to places that I may never get to visit or simply do not exist. After finding “cottagecore, academia, royalcore” and the world of classified groups of aesthetics, my interest in these areas has increased massively. The idea of finding and creating beauty in one’s own life fits into this wonderfully. “Aesthetics” can apply in many areas, but I have a crazy idea for a small business associated with this; more on that later.

Music~
While music has been a part of my life ever since I can remember, I do not practice or hone my skills in it as much as I wish to these days. Singing along with the radio does not count, though a happy thing. I haven’t had any vocal training, and it’s been years since my piano lessons, but one of my goals is to exercise these like I would a muscle. The day before yesterday, I got home from work, sat down and played piano for at least half an hour. It was cringey. My piano is out of tune. As with anything, practice will make this better. I know when I was singing regularly, my control and pitch were much improved.

Writing~
I think my longest standing career dream was to be an author. That dream has also changed but I still love to write. Like piano or singing, this is a creative muscle that I need to exercise to improve. I have never successfully finished a story. Endings are terribly difficult. This applies to my writing as well. Thankfully, blogging here will help me improve my writing and is a wonderful creative outlet to kind of hold my other interests.

Those are the main categories of things I hope to explore and grow in. There are, of course, many facets of this including travel, language, sewing, photography, and design. I want to make life beautiful.

Thank you for joining me.