Escape into Reality

I’m sitting on my patio, iced tea creating a wet spot from the sweating on the cement next to me. Clove is tethered to my ankle, free to explore the length of her leash but close enough that I can be there before a dog or hawk. It’s a perfect 73 F only partially spoiled by hesitant grey skies and light mugginess.

Weather like this makes me sleepy and unmotivated to do anything except lay in bed and scroll TikTok or Pinterest. Actually, that is exactly what I was doing before this. I came across a TikTok of someone who was told that if they feel that way, to go for it, just outdoors at a park instead.

I have found that taking care of others is vastly easier than taking care of myself. Why that is, I’m not quite sure. I do know that the way I perceive things has a large sway on their impact. I have used my imagination to escape from real life as longa s I can remember and never once did it occur to me until this week that I could use my imagination and creativity to actually change my reality instead of escape from it.

“Bad” feelings are still meant to be felt. Greif, pain, anger, are not meant to be ignored and pushed down. Instead of beating myself up for feeling more than happiness all the time, I need to learn to process the emotions that are generally frowned upon, remind myself that they are ok to feel, just don’t wallow in them.

Maybe you came to this realization long ago or maybe you don’t relate to my same feeling of needing to escape life at times. Either way, I hope you’re finding a way to take care of yourself.

Thank you for listening strangers and friends.

(written May 23rd but forgot to actually post it)

Outdoor Ambitions

A breeze keeps blowing my loose strands of hair into my face and if I tilt my head just right, I can see a threading of web reflecting light through the blades of grass. The smell of someone grilling and the sound of birdsong mix now with the quiet clack of the keyboard. I am somehow in a different life but it is my own.

I haven’t read an actual book in maybe, over a year. Someone was kind enough to send me one off of my Amazon wishlist, suggested by my mentor. It’s so beautiful outside today again, after most of the week being rain and snow. Going on a walk is suggested but the mentally tired bug bit me earlier today and was not shaken. Resting outside, reading for the first time in forever, carding my fingers through the velveteen fur of my rabbit, has melted the work day away.

It’s not just any book either. It’s not an escape (which I am constantly seeking) or a cover up. It requests that I face reality and ask myself hard questions.

we need to figure out where we are before we plot a course forward

Bob Goff – Dream Big

I am urged to open my eyes, take a clear look at everything I think about myself and why, sort through my desires and ambitions as if doing an internal spring cleaning, and truly put in the work to make my life what I long for it to be.

No more doing what merely occupies, entertains, and numbs us?

Bob Goff – Dream Big

Can you be honest with yourself? How difficult is it for you?
As the light fades into evening and the breeze becomes chilled, I will go back inside but take these questions with me.

From only three chapters into the book, I already highly suggest it. Have you heard of it? Read it? Dream Big by Bob Goff

Hope and Sunshine

It’s finally the weekend and I’m sitting on my bed soaking up the sunshine streaming in through my window as I write. I find that inspiration strikes me the most when there is either sunshine, starlight, or pain to draw from.

In an earlier post, I mentioned that I want to explore things that I’m fully present in and am passionate about so, I will touch on what some of those things tend to include.

Cooking~
Finding new combinations, learning about ingredients, making beautiful food, all of these things draw me to cooking and baking. A large part of finding things fulfilling or enjoyable for me, seems to involve the narrative I can imagine along with it. Even if it’s just putting some take-out into a pretty dish, cooking and baking is, for me, about how it looks as well as how it tastes.

Aesthetics~
The look and feel of things really enable me to escape to places that I may never get to visit or simply do not exist. After finding “cottagecore, academia, royalcore” and the world of classified groups of aesthetics, my interest in these areas has increased massively. The idea of finding and creating beauty in one’s own life fits into this wonderfully. “Aesthetics” can apply in many areas, but I have a crazy idea for a small business associated with this; more on that later.

Music~
While music has been a part of my life ever since I can remember, I do not practice or hone my skills in it as much as I wish to these days. Singing along with the radio does not count, though a happy thing. I haven’t had any vocal training, and it’s been years since my piano lessons, but one of my goals is to exercise these like I would a muscle. The day before yesterday, I got home from work, sat down and played piano for at least half an hour. It was cringey. My piano is out of tune. As with anything, practice will make this better. I know when I was singing regularly, my control and pitch were much improved.

Writing~
I think my longest standing career dream was to be an author. That dream has also changed but I still love to write. Like piano or singing, this is a creative muscle that I need to exercise to improve. I have never successfully finished a story. Endings are terribly difficult. This applies to my writing as well. Thankfully, blogging here will help me improve my writing and is a wonderful creative outlet to kind of hold my other interests.

Those are the main categories of things I hope to explore and grow in. There are, of course, many facets of this including travel, language, sewing, photography, and design. I want to make life beautiful.

Thank you for joining me.

Hello there!

Welcome to Rabbit & Crown. “What is this place?” you might ask. Well, that is exactly what we are going to journey to find out.

I’ve wanted to have a blog for various reasons but have never found one that fits; blogging to barely anyone about my health habits, my day, bits and pieces of nothing really. This one, might just stick and I sure hope it grows with me and my dreams and wonderings. This blog is for the what ifs, the excited info dumps, the tries and fails and the future.

Please join me as I seek out that future and document my travels. I don’t get to actually go anywhere just yet. A worldwide pandemic will do that to your trip plans. But, my imagination can conjure wonderous realms so we’ll have to settle for those currently.

I read somewhere, or maybe someone told me, that to find what you should devote your time to, what you’re passionate about, write down everything that completely holds your interest. The outside world fades away with all of it’s clamor of worry and stress. Here, those things can live and breathe and I will share them with you.

So please, come with me stranger. We may even become friends.