goodnight – Rabbit & Crown

Hello Friends and Strangers.

It has been a little over two years since I last posted here but this place has not been forgotten. Far from it, actually.

I was talking to a friend just now, about how we have such good lives but it can be harder at times, to see the beauty through and in our struggles and our mundane.

We both had had a good day that just kind of, slipped out of our grasp once we were done with work.

In talking about these things, I brought up that I’ve been wanting to write here again and just…haven’t. I’ve actually been thinking about it most days, for months.

Don’t get me wrong. I’ve tried. There are half finished drafts scattered through my post list like roadkill.

Before talking about it with this friend, I hadn’t been able to pinpoint what was holding me back, even in the broadest of terms.

If it truly was time, I would have prioritized it over distracting myself on my phone, so it had to be something else.

Maybe it was fear? Oh, that’s something.

Has it been the fear of feeling everything that I’ve pushed down far enough to forget for a time? The fear of my own genuine thoughts , normally chased away with cute animal videos and endless scrolling? The mask that is so fitted to me, that I forget how to take it off?

Or is it the fear that it will all come out awful, only about one thing over and over in different ways; or that no one will read it and it’s just my documented stupidity on the internet.

The internet never dies they say. Well, what you put on the internet, more specifically.

But the dream that started this blog feels like it died. Not in some soul wrenching loss, but more like the passing of a family member who you only remember in flashes of memory from childhood, and hearsay.

Feelings and imagination that were so full of life once, now are reduced to warm coals. I don’t know how to rekindle those things into a proper fire.

Yet, here is a post.

Fear and Fantasy

There’s a storm brewing. I can feel it in the air as I right my toppled zucchini plant. It’s warm, windy, and the wildness creeps into my bones. I want to be wild and free like the flying leaves; soak up the adrenaline and be at fiery peace.

Tomorrow, my favorite weekend escape opens. I can be another version of me in a different world. Going to Renaissance Festival has always given me that feeling, the one I can’t quite put into words.

My imagination is renewed and a match held to the wick of my creative spirit. Maybe it’s that I don’t have to be what most people want me to be. Keeping to myself offends no one and I can slip between groups of people like a shadow, all the while taking in such delicious details.

I’m a little afraid of my excitement. A lot has changed since I was last able to attend, and I’m afraid it won’t infect me with that restful, childlike inspiration.

Do you ever get scared by being excited for something, just hoping it is as wonderful as you remember it?

Have a lovely weekend strangers and friends. Here’s hoping you get to revisit pleasant dreams and fall asleep to the sound of a storm.

When Stars Say Goodnight

I noticed the subject of this post a while ago but I observed and learned more about it recently. A hefty portion of last week was spent laying in my bed, if not sleeping. Looking up through the top half of my window, head on pillow, there appears one bright star. Framed perfectly in view, right around the time I am supposed to be drifting off to sleep, it slowly creeps across the two panes before continuing out of sight. I get about twenty to twenty-five minutes with my goodnight star when there are no clouds.

I’ve long loved the stars. Whenever I am having a hard time or feeling alone, it always seems to be a clear night when I look up and am able to just breathe and be. They make me happy. I feel a little bit more alive, seen, and peace enters that moment. For me, it’s not the stars themselves that are the source of this, but instead they are a conduit, a reminder.

Did you know that stars sing? Each star has it’s own tone it sends out into space. They all have names too. That’s so beautiful to me.

If you are interested in stars, like me, free tip: get the “Sky Guide” app on your phone. You can learn so much and hear each tone too. It’s how I found out my window star’s name is Sirius, that it is thirty times brighter than the sun, and is eight point six light years away.

Do you get wrapped up in staring at a starry night? Maybe you have a favorite star. Either way, I hope I was able to bring you a little taste of the wonder I experience related to them.

Goodnight friends and strangers.